ASMRtists Tell All (Quietly)
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (13)
The ASMRtist Roundtable Roll-Call
The panel of ASMR artists introduces themselves, immediately establishing a tense dynamic between 'Bad Boy' Richard Blatt and the more traditional artists like Katie and Denise Flower.
"I notoriously have a bad attitude."
"If you use Katie's tick, you have to pay me."
"I am a ASMR artist or as I like to call, as-am-artist."
Mike on the Mic's Macho ASMR
Mike on the Mic explains his niche of 'Macho Man' ASMR, featuring sounds of wet t-shirt contests, Hooters, and Bud Lights opening, arguing that men also deserve to be put to sleep.
"I am the ASMR artist for the macho man who is looking to go to sleep but is also looking to have a man's experience."
Denise Flower's Corporate Soundscapes
Denise Flower demonstrates her ASMR for 'corporate email girlies,' imitating office sounds like water coolers and email shuffling, while the panel debates her controversial use of dialogue.
"I create ASMR for corporate email girlies who are out of work."
"You're kind of shoving the environment down someone's throat rather than letting it be."
The Squeaky Chair and ASMR Arson
The panel descends into chaos as Denise claims she is manually making the squeaking chair noises, and Katie's reputation as an 'ASMR Arsonist' is explored through aggressive sound demonstrations.
"Every time we hear a squeak, it's actually you?"
Method ASMR and Movie Simulations
Richard Blatt demonstrates 'Method ASMR' by actually pickpocketing Mike, while Mike showcases his cinematic ASMR based on 'guy movies' like Top Gun and A Few Good Men.
"One of my favorite sounds is the sound of stealing."
"I do the code red in A Few Good Men which is of course Marines roughing up another Marine until that guy dies."
The Girl Who Cannot Get Out of a Slippery Bathroom
Katie performs a soundscape of a recurring character who is trapped in a bathroom with 'slippery slayers' (stairs) and suffers severe head trauma while trying to escape.
"Who put stairs in this bathroom?"
"I like to call them, not because of brain damage, slayers because they're slippery stairs."
Hyper-Realistic Office Layoff ASMR
Richard Blatt plays a viral clip of a Zoom layoff meeting that is so realistic it includes a desperate employee threatening to kill the boss over AI automation.
"AI? More like fuck you, I'm going to kill you."
Nighttime Teddy Bear Haircut Gone Wrong
Katie shares a clip of a gentle teddy bear haircut ASMR that went viral because she forgot to turn off the mic while screaming at her boyfriend, John.
"Shut up when I'm recording! Shut your fucking mouth!"
"I lied to the police about my boyfriend and so now he can't come near me anymore."
The Industrial Revolution and Bridge Building ASMR
Mike on the Mic discusses his mentor, Professor Tingles, who creates 30-hour real-time ASMR videos of building bridges for Andrew Carnegie, brick by brick.
"He's trying in real time to do as many videos as it took for them to build the bridge."
"Number one on the call sheet was Andrew Carnegie, of course."
The Fall of Dougie6969: The Anakin Skywalker of ASMR
The panel discusses a disgraced ASMRtist who was cancelled after stealing the 'Target Lady' character and getting sued by Lorne Michaels and Target Corporation.
"He's kind of the Anakin Skywalker of our field of ASMR."
The Tragedy of Dougy6969420XX
The panel reacts in horror to a compilation of clips from Dougy, an ASMR artist who 'almost had it' but ultimately failed to change the world, instead producing chaotic, nonsensical sound bites.
"This is literally someone who works in YouTube's biggest nightmare."
"He was the final puzzle piece and he threw it away."
"They could do this at Guantanamo. This is cruel and unusual punishment."
ASMR Industry Ethics and Producer Tags
The group discusses the rise of 'cheaters' in ASMR and the necessity of visual proof and producer tags like 'K-K-K-Katie' to maintain artistic integrity against the 'disgusting' GarageBand users.
"I also add a producer tag now to every one of my videos."
"I will defend the Adobe suite until the day I die."
"It's like a Cabo Wabo Cantina, it's disgusting."
The Ultimate Collaborative Soundscape
As a gift to the listeners, the panel attempts to create a soothing soundscape that rapidly devolves into a chaotic montage of corporate layoffs, gun ranges, ice cream shops, and internet memes.
"As you may have heard by the Slack notification, your jobs are eliminated."
"Best picture is Moonlight! Best picture is Moonlight!"