These Actors Are Single
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (15)
The Grape Spitting Icebreaker
The panel of single actors attempts to break the ice by spitting grapes into each other's mouths, which quickly devolves into a 'disgusting' display of poor aim and questionable hygiene.
"Anyone want to open your mouths and I'll spit this grape in there?"
"This feels like a nasty kink."
The Helga Hawthorn Acting Workshop
The actors bond over their shared experience at Helga Hawthorn's acting studio, performing impressions of their intense teacher and her strict administrative policies.
"Helga Hawthorn says breathe and be present."
"If you don't tell us you want a month off past the 17th, you will be paying for next month's class."
Luke and Sarah's Relationship Resumes
Luke Gilmore and Sarah J. Bike introduce themselves, revealing Luke's confusion between talent representation and pharmacies, and Sarah's history as a Mormon stand-up comedian.
"I'm repped at CFV and CVS."
"I went to a coffee shop... and I said, 'All I drink is soda, cuz I'm Mormon.'"
Daisy Teeth's Background Love
Daisy Teeth explains her SAG name origin and her habit of falling in love with 'hotties' while working as a background extra in unsexy environments like non-air-conditioned tents.
"Every time I do background work, I fall in love."
"I went for Daisy Teeth cuz I looked in the mirror and I was like, 'What do I love about myself? Teeth.'"
Colby Coltrane: The Last Train
Colby Coltrane, the elder statesman of the group at 47, discusses his long tenure in Burbank and his 'situationship' history while the group pitches doing a scene from 'New Girl' together.
"They call me the last train. Colby Coltrane, the last train."
"I am divorced. I got married when I was really young and it scared me off for a long time."
The Mr. Moseby Dating App Loop
Colby complains that the celebrity dating app Raya only shows him Mr. Moseby from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody. The group discusses their mutual love for the actor and Sarah J. Bike's 'stinky ass' population ghosting city.
"All I keep seeing over and over and over and over is Mr. Moseby from Suite Life."
"I'm at text ghosting city, population my stinky ass."
The 9-Month Relationship Expiration Date
Daisy Teeth reveals her heartbreak over Trevor Montague, an actor on Stranger Things. The group analyzes why 9 months is the perfect amount of time to completely break a person when a relationship ends.
"A 9-month relationship is exactly what creates a person like you."
"It's three seasons. It's like edging. It's so incomplete."
Intellectual Property of Basketball Compilations
Daisy Teeth claims she gave creative notes on her ex's basketball fan-cams and considers suing for copyright. Colby reveals he is already in a class-action lawsuit against Burt's Bees for fiberglass-contaminated lip balm.
"I'm suing for damages in my relationship. I'm suing for love damage."
"There was a batch of Burt's Bees I believe that there was fiberglass in it."
The Bag of Grapes Purse
The group stages an intervention for Sarah J. Bike regarding her habit of carrying a giant bag of grapes everywhere, which she uses as a purse to store her keys, wallet, and phone.
"You're an actor who hides behind their grapes."
"It's a full bag of grapes that you put your keys, your wallet, and your phone in."
The Little Toy Soldier Kink
Sarah J. Bike reveals a rumor that Luke Gilmore whispered 'I'm a little toy soldier' into a girl's ear after a kiss. Luke defends it as 'deep work' encouraged by their acting teacher, Helga.
"You whispered into her ear, 'I'm a little toy soldier.'"
"Helga, our teacher, has taught me like it's all right to wade into kink."
Wildest Sexy Stories and the Grape Shower Scandal
The panel shares their 'sexiest' LA stories, ranging from showering with grapes to seeing Tony Hawk's 'thing' at a pajama party. Daisy Teeth's grape obsession is met with intense judgment from Colby Coltrane.
"I took a shower with them. The grapes?"
"Tony Hawk's thing was out."
"Looking at Tony Hawk's dick and I just took a shower with grapes and I'm the freak?"
Sexy Paddington Meets Fred Flintstone
Sarah J. Bike recounts a 'naughty' costume party in the hills where she, dressed as a sexy Paddington Bear, almost kissed a man dressed as sexy Fred Flintstone in a hot tub.
"I was wearing this stupid little sexy Paddington Bear."
"Can I drive in your stupid little Fred Flintstone car?"
"You were being Paddington to his Fred Flintstone?"
The A to C Improv Technique
Luke and Sarah explain a confusing improv exercise taught by their teacher Artu Nazareth, while Colby remains baffled by the logic of the 'A to C' word association game.
"He taught us this thing that's like A to C."
"What does potato make me think of? Of potatoes."
"I guess I just had to be there."
Luke's Infinite Hookup Loop
Luke Gilmore describes a marathon day of hooking up with roommates, Playboy bunnies, and random pedestrians, leading Daisy to label him a 'fuckboy,' which triggers a violent emotional breakdown.
"I ran into somebody actually like they were crossing the street and I was like, 'Oh, stop.' Like, 'Sorry.' And so we hooked up."
"That's pretty fuckboy behavior."
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
Helga's Toxic Influence Revealed
The panel realizes their acting teacher Helga has been psychologically sabotaging their love lives, from encouraging quantity over quality to sending inappropriate nudes to students.
"Helga told me, 'You're not hot enough to do hot girl stuff, so be weird girl stuff.'"
"Maybe me not being able to meet anybody is because of Helga."
"Helga sent me nudes last night."