100th Episode Spectacular: The 100 Person Panel
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (23)
The 100 Person Panel Roll-Call
The hosts introduce a special 100th episode featuring a massive panel. The performers cycle through rapid-fire character introductions including a Reno-obsessed comedian, a land-owning singer, a valet, and an Arizona bartender.
"We've gathered the largest panel table available to us in Hollywood and we've sat 100 guests around it."
"I hope to visit every city that rhymes with Reno."
"Hire me to put your car where you don't need to worry about it."
Nepo Dentists and Shady Rats
The roll-call continues with increasingly niche Hollywood roles, including a 'nepo dentist' related to a play, a man who handles celebrities' literal trash, and a 17-year-old French disco singer.
"I am related to the play. The play is my dad."
"I took out John Travolta's trash once."
Ghosts of Melrose and Conjoined Tik-Tokers
The panel introduces a crying actress, a literal ghost haunting Chipotle, feuding wardrobe assistants, and conjoined twins who legally count as one person for the sake of the 100-person count.
"If two twins are conjoined they count as one person."
"Blake Lively stole my hair once."
The Coffee PA and the BTK Teacher
A production assistant interrupts with a massive coffee order, followed by an onset teacher who reveals he taught infamous serial killers before transitioning to child actors.
"If any of the coffee is wrong I can kill myself do not worry."
"The most famous person I've ever taught was the BTK killer."
The 100 Person Panel: Rapid-Fire Introductions
The performers introduce a chaotic series of niche Hollywood characters, including Natalie Portman's tutor, a bird trainer with a foul-mouthed parrot, and David Zaslav's 14-year-old son who hates him.
"I'm Natalie Portman's tutor. Yes, she's taking mathematics right now for fun."
"I'm the bird trainer for all of Hollywood. All the birds go through me."
"My dad is David Zaslav and I fucking hate his ass too."
Clement Dorn: The Two-Inch Mayor of Hollywood
Jeremy introduces a tiny mayor who lives in James Franco's pocket. The bit escalates as Kylie attempts to physically pick him up by his tiny hat.
"I live in the pocket of James Franco, which is not a good thing anymore."
"I want to pick you up by your little hat!"
The Actress and the Film Critic
Kylie introduces a character simply named 'An Actress' who is perpetually late and 'welcomes' everyone. She is immediately followed by a condescending film critic who only uses 'The Film App'.
"I'm an actress and you're welcome!"
"I have a great score on the film app. Like Letterboxd, yeah, that's what it's called."
The Ballerina's Splinter and the Tiny Webcam
A prima ballerina's introduction is interrupted by a toe splinter, leading into the introduction of the man who invented the 'slimy' tiny webcams hidden in changing rooms.
"I invented the little, little webcam that you stick in small places that people can't find."
"I couldn't take no responsibility for what the artist do with my webcam."
Regal Cinemas Pre-Show Trivia
Kylie portrays the host of the Regal Cinemas pre-movie game show, asking nonsensical trivia questions for a chance to win exactly one popcorn.
"How do you movie? Is it A: with camera, B: James Franco, or C: A lot?"
"You're all getting popcorn!"
The Death of Kitty Boingo
Buggy the Kiddo, a Foley artist who only makes chewing gum noises for 'precocious kids,' fails to branch out into gun sounds and is declared dead by the panel.
"I only do chewing gum noises for precocious kids."
"We are here to announce the death of Kitty Boingo."
The Man Who Discovered 'Mmh'
Tong, an artist from Philadelphia, claims his biggest achievement is discovering the meaning of the sound 'Mmh,' though he refuses to explain it to the increasingly frustrated panel.
"My biggest claim to fame is discovering what it means when somebody goes mmh."
"My job was not explaining it, my job was discovering it."
The News Anchor Divorce Feud
Briana Rogers attempts to report on fire and brimstone outside the studio, but is interrupted by her ex-husband Sandy, who claims jurisdiction over 'outside' news.
"I don't want our divorce to enter the news broadcast."
The Father to the Stars
Father Paulie Boink, a Catholic priest for celebrities, hears a confession from Marion Cotillard about stealing a single grape and sentences her to 20 push-ups.
"New Testament Jesus was very against stealing grapes."
"You're going to have to give me 20 push-ups."
Dr. Acula's Background Work
Jeremy introduces Dr. Acula, who insists he is not a vampire despite the name and his background acting career. The panel critiques his lack of 'cool' vampire attire.
"I'm Dr. Acula. I do background work."
"I think he's not dressed cool enough to be a vampire."
The Americana Concierge and the Usher
Patrick introduces Esmeralda, a concierge at the Americana at Brand, who deals with lost shoppers. Angela's character, Chester the Usher, falls in love with her nightlife recommendations.
"I am the most popular concierge under the parking structure at the Americana."
"You're not in love with me, you're in love with the beautiful nightlife of Los Angeles."
Janna Rogers: Intimacy Coordinator
Kylie introduces Janna Rogers, an intimacy coordinator for HBO who is from Phoenix but fears cars, making her dream of moving to Las Vegas impossible.
"I'm an intimacy coordinator for HBO. I deal with hot and sexy sex scenes."
"My fear of getting in a car is what stops me from moving to Las Vegas."
The 100 Person Panel Countdown
The panel discusses the 'ramifications' of having 100 people on a podcast, while a countdown timer threatens the existence of the show.
"The ramifications of what this might mean for the rest of this podcast could be irreparable."
"We're almost done, all of us have only four more left."
TMZ Tour Guide Lies
Kylie portrays Ron McFee, a TMZ tour guide who admits to making up facts about celebrity houses because the tourists are 'idiots' who won't check.
"That right there is Britney Spears's house. Fact check it, I dare you."
"I make it up, but when you're on the tour, who are you to know?"
Bongo Drum and Hair Gel Romance
A bongo drum and Will Arnett's hair gel discuss their inability to watch television and their impending, albeit physically impossible, sexual encounter.
"I'm a bongo drum I can't watch TV."
"I'm Will Arnett's hair gel I also don't watch TV."
"I'm all horned up I don't know how we'll have sex."
Richard Inkwell's Shakespearean Struggle
A Shakespearean actor from San Diego attempts a dramatic monologue but is interrupted by a parrot and a stand-up comic with smelly armpits.
"I am one Mighty Shakespearean actor."
"I'm the parrot from before here's some tape over your mouth."
"My pits smell so fucking bad."
The Hollywood Sign's Grim Advice
The Hollywood Sign sings a haunting melody about the dangers of staying in the industry too long, warning that dreams are often lost at sea.
"It's me the Hollywood Sign."
"Don't stay here too long or die."
"I've seen so many people's dreams get lost in the sea."
The Agent for Ducks and the Oscar
An emotional agent for ducks laments his career choices before being followed by a brief appearance from 'The Oscar' who immediately vanishes.
"I'm an agent for ducks."
"I didn't move to Hollywood to be an agent for ducks I did it cuz it was easy."
"My name's Oscar."
Tony the Newbie's Rude Awakening
A wide-eyed newcomer named Tony arrives in LA with big dreams, only to be immediately screamed at and told to get out by the jaded industry veterans.
"I moved to Los Angeles today I'm brand new in this town."
"Get the fuck out of here."
"Shut up newbie."