High School Theatre Techies Spill All The Class Drama (with James Mannion)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (11)
Meet the Techies of Saint Duchovny High
The tech crew of Saint Duchovny High School introduces themselves, establishing their hierarchy and deep-seated resentment for actors.
"I just have one rule: actors, don't touch my booth."
"My big rule is don't eat while you're in the mic. No lunch in mics."
Shadow: The Straight-Edge Promiscuous Stagehand
Shadow explains his complex identity as a light-hating stagehand who is violently straight-edge yet sexually promiscuous on Tumblr.
"I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I don't curse because I believe that cursing shows you have a lack of knowledge about vocabulary."
"Light is pretty much my kryptonite. If it hits my face I go hiss!"
The Water Polo Accident and the Tear Duct Redirection
Dustin reveals a tragic backstory involving a near-drowning in water polo that resulted in his tear ducts being surgically redirected to his mouth.
"In the hospital they had to do a surgical procedure to remove my tear ducts and redirect them to my mouth."
"It comes out as drool."
Chunk's 25-Year High School Career
Chunk admits she has been in high school for 25 years, having been a student during 9/11, and currently bonds with the director over 'adult stuff' like taxes.
"It's not five years, it's 25 years. I've been in high school for 25 years."
"We kind of bond over like adult stuff like taxes and like we can both drink."
The Vertical Submarine Chess Match
The crew describes their vertical booth setup where Dustin and Soda play intense chess matches during performances while calling light cues.
"All the cues are lined up on the ceiling like Queen's Gambit style."
Dustin the Old Soul and the 'Break a Leg' Incident
Dustin recounts a text exchange with an actress named Sally that led to a police investigation after she literally broke her leg. The group discusses Dustin's mature energy and his status as the 'Ass Master' of the techies.
"I did tell Sally to break a leg. Unfortunately, she did."
"That is what I told the police and I'm standing by it."
"My favorite musician is Frank Zappa."
The Theater Sleepover and the Booth Sanctuary
The group discusses the wild 'rage' sleepovers in the theater. Dustin explains his strict rules for the tech booth, including a zero-tolerance policy for touching his gum, which once led to him screaming at a dancer named Cassidy.
"My puberty just takes hold of me."
"Don't touch my booth is rule number one. Rule number two: don't take our gum."
"I am a walker between worlds. I know no realm."
The Ren Fair Lore and the Draft to War
Shadow reveals he was conceived at a Renaissance Faire, while Soda admits to sneaking in via trash cans. Dustin discusses his romantic success at the fair and the tragic news that he was drafted into a vague war, ruining his Harvard plans.
"I was going to go to Harvard and get a PhD in lights. Not lighting, just lights."
"I put my body in a trash can and I roll in."
"I've been called to answer the call."
Shadow's Theatrical Ambitions and Louisiana Dreams
Shadow reveals he played Tituba in The Crucible and has been accepted to Louisiana State for acting, despite his insistence on performing in total darkness. The group mocks the intensity of theater kids.
"If you mash up a play, you don't have to pay for the rights of either."
"I took two soda cans and I was so upset and I thought they were my sunglasses and I mushed them up to my face."
"I played Tituba the witch."
"I'm going to college to be an actor."
The Second Puberty of Dustin Smith
Dustin undergoes a violent physical transformation involving rapid hair growth and height changes, which he attributes to a 'second puberty' triggered by his impending draft into the army.
"Sorry, my puberty!"
"I'm a beast, that's why they're sending me to war."
The Bunk Booth Love Confession
Soda confesses her love for Dustin, revealing she was the one who installed a bunk bed in the tech booth. Dustin's physical transformation reverses as he 'Benjamin Buttons' back to a smaller size through the power of love.
"Dustin, I'm in love with you."
"I brought that bunk bed up there to that booth."