The Art of Nude Modeling
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (12)
Roundtable Roll-Call: The Nude Models
The hosts introduce a panel of professional nude models, including a community college veteran, a man with a 'Google AI' body, a presidential specialist, and a woman covered in boils.
"My wife is very successful and so I need something to keep me busy."
"You can always see a face in some part of my body that's not my face."
"I am the presidential nude model."
The Presidential Nude Model's Secret History
Seibert reveals his high-security clearance career modeling for 17 presidents, including a nervous encounter with Jackie O that resulted in a 'full in' retraction.
"I'm counting their first wives and I'm counting vice presidents."
"I was nervous and my penis went in."
"She's seen worse than a penis inserted inside."
The Royal Boil and the Dermatology Books
Francis, known as the Royal Boil, explains how her clinical trials for back boils led to a career in nude modeling where she never blinks.
"I got boils on my back."
"How many Dermatology books you'll find my back in."
"Nude came second to me, modeling first and boils BC."
The Anatomy of a Donk, Dink, and Dunk
Gary explains his 'type five' comedy set used to ease tension in the studio, leading to a confusing regional debate over the definitions of various anatomical slang terms.
"One person's dunk is another's dink is another's donk."
"A donk is a double dunk."
"I thought the dunk was the ass, the dink was the dick and the dink was the dimple."
The Human Rorschach Test
Trent describes his previous work as a visual aid for therapists, which leads to a breakthrough for Gary regarding his relationship with his father.
"They would bring me into rooms and ask depressed people what they saw in my body."
"My dad threw a softball to me in your armpit."
"I forgave him for everything."
The Perils of Fidgeting While Nude Modeling
The models discuss the extreme physical demands of standing still for hours and the guilt of ruining a student's art education by moving to itch a spot, resulting in 'blurry hand' drawings.
"When you see half the drawings are a one blurry hand you're like oh God you get in the way of their education."
Jimmy Carter's Nude Modeling Eulogy
Seibert shares a bizarre story about modeling for Jimmy Carter, claiming the former president sang Minnie Riperton in his sleep while drawing Seibert's 'balls out' physique.
"My dick was nowhere near the inside at this point because it had learned what to do."
The Hot Air Balloon and the Genie's Wish
Trent reveals his excess skin is a medical condition resulting from a miscommunicated genie wish for 'skin in the game.' He once served as a hot air balloon for tourists in Utah.
"I was trying to say dang I wish I had some skin in the game but he heard more skin please."
Presidential Limericks and Swimming Boils
Seibert shares a 'post-mortem' limerick about Obama, while Gary reveals she enjoys the backstroke because it makes her boils feel like they are swimming.
"I like the backstroke cuz I feel as if the boils are swimming."
The Magic Skin Eight-Ball
The group discovers that Trent's excess skin can manifest physical letters to answer questions like a Magic 8-Ball, though the process is excruciatingly painful for him.
"Something's coming out of his neck shaping into letters!"
"Skin, oh magical skin... does my wife love me?"
"Head of skincare at Aveeno? It's me! I love you so much!"
"Don't kiss the woman in the skin!"
Nude Modeling for the Trump Administration
Trent Bryce discusses being on call to model for Donald Trump's second term, noting that Trump was previously too nervous about looking gay to draw nudes.
"He was nervous it looked gay in 2016 but now he doesn't care."
"The Trump staff I've heard is a little like, 'Take it off, why don't you take it off?'"
"I can bench press but you can't tell because I'm so amorphous."
Say No and Buy His Dinner
The panel discusses Trent's refusal to let JD Vance draw him, leading to the inspirational mantra of buying a gift card to Outback Steakhouse for those you reject.
"He's the first guy that I've actually said no to. He wants to draw me so bad."
"Say no and buy his dinner. That's how we win."
"Outback Steakhouse. Say no and buy his dinner."