Improvised Roundtables, Ep. 53 - Game Show Hosts (w/ Jacquis Neal)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (16)
Roundtable Introductions: The Captains of the Game Show
The panel of game show hosts introduces themselves, establishing their unique shows and the shared 'smell' of their contestants.
"If the captain is the captain of the ship, then the game show host is the captain of a game show."
Drip Ice and the Most Stressful Hour for White America
Drip Ice describes his BET show 'You Sure You Want to Say That?', which involves black people asking white people if they really want to say certain things, causing extreme stress.
"It's been called the most stressful hour for white america of all time."
Survivor with Kids: Lord of the Flies Edition
George Pook pitches his spin-off where 30 children are left alone on an island for 20 days to win ten thousand dollars, despite network notes about the title.
"Ten thousand dollars. That's just huge for kids."
Lady or No Lady: The Box and Rafter Mystery
Ricky Flanagan explains her confusing show where boxes contain either a 'lady', a 'woman' (which counts as empty), or a Jacqueline-in-the-box.
"Some of the empty boxes do contain women, but only 25 of them contain ladies."
Mr. Chapel's Lasagna Surfing Legacy
The veteran host Mr. Chapel discusses his long-running show and the physical toll of smoking five packs a day on his voice.
"I smoke five packs a day and you can tell from my voice I've changed."
The Drip Ice Point System and the Survival Rate
Drip Ice begins awarding and deducting points based on arbitrary rules like saying 'sorry', while George Pook reveals the dark survival rate of his child contestants.
"Just mentioning the police is negative 15."
The Rules of Lady or No Lady
Ricky Flanagan explains the convoluted rules of her game show, which involves keeping 'ladies' in boxes overnight and a final boss battle of rock-paper-scissors for $50,000.
"If that lady is not revealed during the show, then we keep her in the box for the next contestant."
"The technical game is rock paper scissors and the ladies in the boxes are all fanfare."
"It's like ladies eyes just kind of like five two."
Natural Immunity and Consent
Ricky Flanagan explains her refusal to fist-bump, opting instead to hug and kiss every lady that emerges from a box to build 'natural immunity,' which she claims is a platform for consent.
"I hug and kiss as many people as possible so that I can build up a natural immunity."
"I get a boner every time they put a thing in my nostril."
"Lady or No Lady was founded upon consent. Get inside this box, consensually."
Keep the Nuts on Those Pets
Mr. Chapel reveals his controversial anti-spaying and neutering stance, admitting he has been caught reattaching 'nuts' to animals to preserve their personalities.
"Keep the nuts on those pets."
"You got in trouble for going and like reattaching nuts on dogs and cats."
"I can't prevent them from ever getting cut off again."
The Age Riddle Game
Ricky Flanagan challenges the panel to guess her age using nonsensical riddles, eventually revealing she is 72 years old despite her youthful appearance.
"I'm going to award 50 points to whoever can correctly guess my age."
"It's between 16 and 99."
"I'm 72."
Regis Philbin and the Uno Grudge
Drip Ice tells a story about playing Uno with Barack Obama and Regis Philbin, where Obama vowed to end Regis's life after losing a hand. George Pook counters with a similar story involving Hillary Clinton.
"Barry Obama was like, 'I'm gonna run for president... and end your life.'"
"Regis Philbin died. That's a story."
Regis Philbin and the Uno Grudge (Part 2)
Drip Ice tells a story about playing Uno with Barack Obama and Regis Philbin, where Obama vowed to end Regis's life after losing a hand. George Pook counters with a similar story involving Hillary Clinton.
"I was sort of a make-a-wish kid for Bill Clinton."
Drip Ice Reveals His Eyes and His Millionaire Dreams
Drip Ice removes his sunglasses for the first time in 15 years, revealing massive eyes, before pivoting from a Double Dare inspiration story to wanting to host Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
"Nobody's seen my eyes in 15 years."
"They're so big!"
"I would host Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."
George Pook's Dark Childhood in Kenya and Bachelor Kids Pitch
George Pook accidentally reveals his missionary childhood in Kenya was 'not great' before quickly retracting it under pressure and pitching a series of 'Kids' versions of adult reality shows.
"What if we did Double Dare but in Kenya?"
"I would love to do Bachelor Kids."
"My childhood was great. I want to take that back."
Ricky Flanagan's SNL Ambitions and the Lady-Shaped Boxes
Ricky Flanagan discusses her dream of hosting SNL while clarifying that the contestants on her show are kept in lady-shaped Egyptian coffins rather than square boxes.
"I don't think that men fit into boxes."
"These are not large crates, these are shaped like the women."
"It's pretty obvious when it's a lady and when it's a jack in the box."
Mr. Chapel's High-Stakes Pet Neutering Game Show
Mr. Chapel pitches a terrifying game show where pet owners must risk their own anatomy to proceed with neutering their pets, featuring pyrotechnics and surgical scissors.
"If you want to take off the balls of your pets, you got to take off the balls of you."
"Keep those balls on those pets!"
"My voice is changing too because of that smoke."