Hey buddy, you can't enter this area here, because movies are being made. Four Hollywood security officers discuss keeping the industry safe.
The security guards discuss the 'tragic' moment Oscar Isaac slapped Jessica Alba at the Oscars, claiming Will Smith's slap overplayed the real drama.
"Will Smith's thing really overplayed the Jessica Alba Oscar Isaac slap."
"Nowhere on his badge did it say security."
Bev reveals she is Martha Stewart's exact size and once trauma-bonded with her after a shared shower incident following a Molly-fueled trip to Coachella.
Travis explains his specialized role sitting in a chair outside sets to deter 'women perverts' from trying to witness the filming of sex scenes.
Alex discusses starting in security at age 13 on the Big Bang Theory lot and her current role managing the 'rabid' crowds of Young Sheldon.
"I don't like the fans getting too close."
Leroy reveals he has a Google Glass implanted in his eye and is forced to sign NDAs every two weeks to cover for Addison Rae's wild lifestyle.
The guards discuss the legendary 'slap heard around the world' where Oscar Isaac allegedly slapped Jessica Alba backstage at the Oscars, overshadowing the Will Smith incident.
"Where was he when the slap that was heard around the world?"
"Will Smith's thing really overplayed the Jessica Alba Oscar Isaac slap."
Bev reveals she is the exact same size as Martha Stewart and mimics her perfectly to take bullets or perform lighting tests.
"If I ever need to take a bullet for her, I just know to mimic her exactly."
"It was like looking in a mirror."
Leroy describes the grueling 24/7 schedule of Addison Rae, including fake midnight clubbing and his role as a surrogate stepdad to her boyfriends.
"Basically, she's kind of like leading a cult, if you will."
"I feel like a stepdad, but her parents have died, and somehow I got custody."
Bev recounts a dark security secret involving Martha Stewart fans known as 'Cookies' and a serial killer who targeted women with Tupperware.
Travis explains his role as a 'street man' sitting outside sets. The group discusses a security guard Facebook group and a legendary guard named Sylvester Crump who failed to stop Oscar Isaac from slapping Jessica Alba.
"I'm talking about the moment Oscar Isaac slapped Jessica Alba backstage."
"Will Smith's thing really overplayed the Jessica Alba Oscar Isaac slap."
Bev reveals she is Martha Stewart's exact size and often acts as her body double for lighting tests. She recounts a surreal moment where they saw each other changing and realized they were the same person.
"If I ever need to take a bullet for her, I just know to mimic her exactly."
"We said at the same time, 'We're the same.'"
Bev explains that Martha Stewart's fans are called 'Cookies' due to a 1999 squatter incident. Travis reveals he is dating Larry Bird, who joined the security game after retiring from basketball.
"The year of the Santa Barbara cookie killer."
"Is the opposite of a security guard a basketball player?"
Bev discusses her 'friendship' with Martha Stewart, including visiting her in prison. She shows off a massive Samsung Galaxy phone Martha gifted her, which is as big as a human leg.
"I did get to go to conjugal visit with her a couple times."
"I want a phone as big as my leg."
