Improvised Roundtables, Ep. 44: Dealing with the Dershowitzes
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (14)
Introducing the Dershowitz Family
The hosts introduce a parody of 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' centered on the family of polarizing lawyer Alan Dershowitz, featuring his socialite daughters and wife.
"Alan Dershowitz is a well-known political polarizing lawyer who's been on the OJ trial, the Trump trial, and a bunch of other crazy trials."
The Dershowitz Sisters' Influencer Ventures
The sisters discuss their various brands, including Deanna's community service modeling and Destiny's 'pimple patch' which has pivoted into a medical patch that stops you from eating.
"I love that the autumn one also makes you stop eating."
The Forbidden Island Allegations
The family awkwardly navigates around the 'false' allegations regarding their father's association with Jeffrey Epstein and their inability to return to a certain private island.
"The allegations against our father, his friends, many friends, namely Jeffrey Epstein, are false."
Celebrity Boyfriends and the Easter Bunny
Destiny reveals she is dating Joe Exotic via pen pal letters, while Deanna is dating Eli Manning, whom the family tried to hide by dressing him as the Easter Bunny.
"I confirmed it with E! Hollywood that I am dating Joe Exotic."
"You could tell just by the shape of that guy's head you could tell it was Eli."
The R.L. Stine Relationship Contract
Debbie reveals she pimped out Destiny to author R.L. Stine for a six-month relationship in exchange for twelve 'spooky stories' specifically designed to trigger Debbie's fears.
"The contract was that he was going to be in a relationship with Destiny... and I was in turn going to receive between eight and twelve spooky stories."
The Kirby Tattoo Red Herring
Deanna reveals that her leaked nudes were proven fake because of a Kirby tattoo red herring added by her father, Alan Dershowitz, who is currently in 'law mode.'
"I've been analyzing your nudes over and over and over and I found something that isn't on your body."
"When dad gets in the mood... like the law mood."
Mario Lopez's Secret Gaming Habit
Denise reveals that her boyfriend Mario Lopez is a hardcore gamer who plays Minecraft and Elden Ring, but keeps it secret to protect his brand.
"Honestly gamers eat ass the best."
"He loves Minecraft and he loves Fall Guys and he loves Elden Ring."
The Rib-to-Ass Surgery and Duck Cushions
Denise explains her extreme plastic surgery where she had four ribs removed and placed in her buttocks, requiring her to carry around massive cushions filled with actual ducks.
"I got four ribs removed... and I put it in my ass."
"Not duck feathers, actual duck. There's like duck bones."
The Hunter Biden Dating Pitch
The sisters argue over who 'booked' Hunter Biden, revealing they had to present PowerPoint pitches to their father to determine who gets to date high-profile men.
"I heard that I had the best PowerPoint."
"What Deanna and Eli Manning have is true love ratified by a legal contract."
Exfoliating Pajamas and Undercover Boss
Destiny pitches her new line of exfoliating pajamas that scrape the skin while you sleep, while Denise claims she once owned Ben & Jerry's during an episode of Undercover Boss.
"It's like sleeping in like one of those pumice stones."
"Denise was a guest star on Undercover Boss Ben & Jerry's."
Debbie's Hot Stone Rejuvenation
Debbie Dershowitz pitches her new wellness products, including shoes that stop you from eating and a hot stone placed in underwear for 'rejuvenation.'
"It's a stone that you place in your underwear and it just tightens everything right up."
"It touches the vulva and it tightens it right up because it's made of a hot stone."
A Call from Daddy Alan Dershowitz
The Dershowitz sisters receive a phone call from their father, Alan, who claims to be on a farm with a doctor and promises to help get Joe Exotic out of prison.
"All right, this is Alan Dershowitz."
"I'm on a fucking farm or something and I'm with a doctor."
"That man is an innocent man, so I'll get right to work."
Season Highlights: Galapagos Cruises and Ghislaine Maxwell Potlucks
The sisters reminisce about their favorite moments from the show, including a cruise incident with a tortoise and a chance encounter with Ghislaine Maxwell at a backyard potluck.
"The tortoise is so mad at Denise."
"She came out of the woods with a plate of lasagna and our forks and plates."
The Loose Nose and Self-Destructing Implants
Destiny explains her 'loose nose' surgery before a text from the family plastic surgeon forces an abrupt end to the podcast due to imminent breast implant failure.
"I have a loose nose, you know that."
"All of our breast implants are going to destruct in the next 10 minutes."
"Say goodbye to the Dersha-tits!"